Yes, I know. There was supposed to be a Ugandan Adventure Part II. But as I meet more people and get out more and more to experience Uganda I have found less time for daily updates! I guess that's a good and only slightly bad thing. But I promise to record the most important experiences I have, both so you can read and so that I can remember them later! So Ugandan Adventure Part II would have consisted of Queen Elizabeth National Park, seeing lions, elephants, hippos, alligators, antelope and water buffalo. The safari was great, but I think I've really confirmed I love people a lot more than animals!
On Thursday, I helped to coordinate and facilitate a Fulbright Scholars Pre-Departure Briefing. The US Embassy selected 10 Ugandans for the Fulbright Scholarship, and they will travel to the US in July to begin their graduate studies at various universities. I was excited to set up the event and meet the scholars, but it wasn't until the event was about to begin that my coworker asked, "So Emilie, are you ready to lead your session?" I had no idea what she was talking about until I glanced down at the event's itinerary and saw that at 11am I'd be leading a discussion panel on the expectations of faculty at U.S. universities. Luckily it's a topic that didn’t require too much research on my end, and I was able to quickly jot down a few talking points. The event ended up lasting 7 hours, which was much longer than planned, but the information that the scholars obtained was worth the extra time. First, the Deputy Chief of Mission gave an intro talk and congratulations, which was followed by a panel of 5 Ugandans that returned this year from their Fulbright experiences in the U.S. It was really interesting to hear them give US cultural advice from their Ugandan perspective. In Ugandan schools, there is a very strict relationship between teacher and student. The professor talks at the class, does not ask questions, and usually expects complete attention and obedience. In the US, by contrast, students constantly challenge the professor, ask difficult questions, and often fight to answer questions posed by their teacher. The category of "participation" does not exist in the Ugandan grading system, while it's so important in the US. The returning Ugandans spoke extensively of the "reading culture" in the US. They couldn’t believe how much we read, all the time! The reading workload is very heavy, they warned. And they mentioned that often, their US peers had already googled and learned about the information that would be taught that day, so they were prepared with questions before the lecture had even started! One woman, who will be going to UC Irvine this fall, asked if she will be able to find local matoke (a Ugandan potato) and pasho in the States. The Ugandans who have returned were able to offer great advice on international markets to visit, or good substitutes if the real deal could not be found. When it was finally the Americans' turn to offer advice on US university life, we had lots to say. I enjoyed addressing one of the most controversial topics of the day: homosexuality. My boss told the scholars that many Americans know nothing about Uganda, except that recently there was a bill in Parliament that called for killing all homosexuals. We warned them that they may have to answer questions related to this issue quite often, and we hoped to prepare them so that they could hold onto their values but also avoid any potential conflict. When it was my turn to speak, I said that if there is any place in the United States where hundreds of values are expressed and collide, it is at large, public universities like the ones they would be attending. I urged them to take every opportunity to learn, instead of criticize. One woman asked me how she is supposed to respond when someone asks her opinion of homosexuality, or when she encounters a homosexual couple. She told me that she can't imagine how two men or two women could be together, it didn’t make sense. I hoped to make a parallel between different cultural practices so that she might better understand, and so I started by using an example from my time here so far. Before I arrived in Uganda, I had no idea that polygamy was so common or accepted. One day in the office, I found out that my coworker's father has 5 wives, and he has 42 siblings. I was shocked, and then my two other coworkers added in that their fathers also had multiple wives. Confronting polygamy was very interesting and quite shocking for me, but I wanted to learn, and if you want to learn you cannot judge. So instead of shrugging away from the discomfort, I asked questions and it became a discussion and an amazing learning opportunity. Polygamy is a painfully accepted reality in Uganda. I had always thought that in polygamist societies the women were content with their situation, happily sharing their space with the other wives and selflessly sharing their husband, but this is not the case at all. One colleague told me that his mother thought she was the only wife. She didn’t know that there were 4 others, and as soon as she found out she divorced her husband, which is VERY rare in Uganda. Another colleague said that after 15 years, a girl came to her family's house and presented herself as her father's daughter from another marriage. A third told me that when she was young, her father approached the family and let them know that he was taking on a second wife. Her mother was furious, but there was nothing she could do. She stuck with her husband and made a vow not to let this second wife cause war within the family and the village. Often, when another wife joins the family, violence overtakes the household and it is quite common for co-wives to kill each other. I listened to all of this with interest, and asked questions instead of throwing out this system as hurtful and unfair. It is their culture. I asked how wives deal with jealousy, how kids of one wife interact with kids of the other, how the husband could possibly divide his time…and I learned. So when I spoke with the Ugandan Fulbright scholars, I urged them to absorb and learn as much as possible during their stay in the United States. They may confront traditions and practices that conflict with their own beliefs, as everyone does when they travel the world, but by turning controversy into a discussion they may get more out of this journey than they could ever imagine.
After the event I had a couple hours to relax at work before the wedding taking place that evening. The Embassy was holding its first wedding ever, and it was for one of the Marines! He met his bride at his last post in Brazil, a gorgeous woman who doesn't speak a word of English. They planned to get married here because if a Marine gets married in the US, the family cannot get certain marital benefits until the Marine reaches a certain rank. But if they marry overseas, the couple gets the benefits. At 4pm I got an email from the wedding planner (my sponsor, Layla) who was reminding me that I would be a flower girl at the wedding. I thought she was kidding, so I immediately called her but she said to be at the Marine house at 5pm sharp to get my flower crown and basket of petals. I was shocked but very excited, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a flower girl. Who says 20 years old is too late? I met my flower girl teammates, a 7 year old and 4 year old, and mentally prepared for my big walk down the aisle. The other girls were terrified, but we rocked it. The 4 year old held her nanny's hand the whole way down the aisle and forgot to throw any of the petals, amateur!! When I get married I'm totally using 20 year olds to throw flowers, because they know how to get it done right. The remaining 6 Marines that work at the Embassy were the groomsmen, dressed in their ceremonial uniforms. They carried swords, and rifles, and it was really an incredible experience. After the bride joined the groom at the alter, the Ugandan priest began his ceremony. It may have been a good idea for someone to write up an American-style wedding ceremony, because the priest relied on line-by-line prompts from the groom for what to say. Talking in whispers didn’t help the fact that the priest didn’t really understand English, and this became all the more clear when the groom whispered something to the priest and he said, "Ahh yes, you now own the bride!" Everyone looked around and the groom cracked up, the priest looked confused and unsure. I then heard the groom whispering to the priest "you may now…kiss…the bride…!" It took a few repetitions to the priest before he proudly announced to the entire audience "You may now CUT THE BREAD!!" At that point the entire wedding party and guests lost it and we all said, KISS THE BRIDE!!! It was a beautiful wedding, made all the better by the Ugandan priest. By Ugandan tradition, the Marines slaughtered an entire cow for the wedding reception, and everyone brought a side dish to share. The whole Embassy stayed late into the night and we danced to the DJ's music, both local and western songs. The day was a great mixture of American and Ugandan culture, and I loved every minute of it.
